Browse Source

add abuse_150 command

bluehood 4 years ago
4 changed files with 50 additions and 1 deletions
  1. 1 0
  2. 6 0
  3. 43 0
  4. 0 1

+ 1 - 0

@@ -20,6 +20,7 @@ def main():
     dp.add_handler(CommandHandler("vietnam", hnd.vietnam))
     dp.add_handler(CommandHandler("sellyourmother", hnd.sell_your_mother))
     dp.add_handler(CommandHandler("storytime", hnd.tell_a_tale))
+    dp.add_handler(CommandHandler("abuse150", hnd.abuse_150))
     # dp.add_handler(MessageHandler([], hnd.print_msg_info))

+ 6 - 0

@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@
 import subprocess as sp
 import httplib
 import numpy as np
+from insults import insults
 def ping(bot, update):
@@ -59,3 +60,8 @@ def error(bot, update, error):
     """ Log errors """
     logger.warn('Update "%s" caused error "%s"' % (update, error))
+def abuse_150(bot, update):
+    """ Verbally abuse incompetent LCM collaborators """
+    insult = np.random.choice(insults)
+    bot.sendMessage(chat_id=update.message.chat_id, text=insult)

+ 43 - 0

@@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+insults = (
+    "To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn shoes with higher IQ.",
+    "You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.",
+    "I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.",
+    "Play cool now, but there’s one man too many in this chat and I think it’s you.",
+    "Your brain’s so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.",
+    "You are so fat and lazy I'd need two pokeflutes to wake you up",
+    "If your gaming habits were a dress code, they'd be casual",
+    "I fucked your grandmother and didn't even buy her dinner",
+    "If i wanted to listen to an asshole speaking I would fart in a microphone", "You define autism",
+    "I bet you were the most popular home-schooled kid in your class",
+    "You have enough extra chromosomes to make a smarter clone of yourself",
+    "You look like your mum pressed B while you were evolving",
+    "If I write a recommendation for you, the reader would think it's a detailed case study of neurodegenrative disorders.",
+    "There are millions of particles in the universe that we can observe, your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.",
+    "You're not optimized for life are you?",
+    "You are so technologically illiterate, you shake your laptop to get the cookies out",
+    "You are a fart factory, slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit. A cheesy scab picked pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.",
+    "It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.",
+    "Shut up now or I will replace you with a very small shell script.",
+    "You’re not a complete idiot… some parts are missing.",
+    "You are very ugly and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous hat which you should be ashamed of.",
+    "You’re like a trained ape, only without the training.",
+    "You’re so stupid, you think a thesaurus is a monster from Jurassic Park.",
+    "Copernicus just called: You’re not the center of the universe.",
+    "Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence.",
+    "MS-DOS can function at higher levels of sentience than you",
+    "Let's just say you're not the fastest node in the cluster.",
+    "Let's just say you're not the fastest disk in the RAID.",
+    "Your mother's so fat she breaks for loops",
+    "Maybe you should go back to use windows.",
+    "Your mum is so fat her max file size is 4GB!",
+    "You'll never be half the man your mother is.",
+    "If my dog had your face I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.",
+    "Everyone who has ever loved you was wrong",
+    "You have small tits for a fat girl.",
+    "You're blue waffles testimonial. You are a regurgitated anal-cum bubble",
+    "You are Puddu's illegitimate son",
+    "May I suggest you stop embarass yourself playing Nexuiz and go back to minesweeper?"

+ 0 - 1

@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
-* abuse 150
 * whoall
 * list down nodes